Joke of the Day IV

A redneck family from the hills was visiting the city and they were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together
again.

The boy asked, 'Paw, what's at?'

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, 'Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my whole life. I ain't got no
idea what it is.

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a heavyset old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.
The walls opened and the lady rolled be tween them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular number above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch
until it r eached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous,
voluptuous 24 year-old blonde woman stepped out.

The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son..........

"Boy..................go gitcha Momma.............."

Joke of the Day III

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?"

Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"

Harry: "9."

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"

Harry: "36."

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade"

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"

Harry, after a moment: "Legs."

Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: "Pockets."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"

Harry: "Pants."

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"

Harry: "Coconut."

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"

The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, "Bubble gum."

Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"

Harry: "Shake hands."

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?"

Harry: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.

Joke of the Day

A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to Jerusalem . While
they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them,
"You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here
in the Holy Land for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped
home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you
would spend only $150. "

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three
days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Brave New World Chapters 9 and 10

Chapter IX
-Allusion "Her eyes, her hair, her cheek, her gait, her voice: Handlest in thy discourse O! that her hand, In whose comparison all whites are ink, Writing their own reproach; to whose soft seizure The cygnet's down is harsh..." - Romeo and Juliet
Direct characterization - "His bored tone implied that he was in the habit of talking to his fordship every day of the week."

Chapter X
Onomonapeia - Buzz, buzz
"Unorthodoxy threatens more than the life of a mere individual; it strikes at Society itself."

Looks like Bernards plan went along well....Muahahahahahahaha